Nothingness

I am the lonely shipwreck that stands at the end of the world. I get eaten day after day by the untamed waves of the dark blue ocean. Everyone abandoned me but I am still standing. I fight every day. Look at me. What have I become? An absolute nothing fighting at the end of the world the endless void of the universe. It is lonely here. No one passes by anymore. There is no lighthouse to guide my way home. There is no new land waiting for me but this. At the loneliest place of the cosmos. At a shallow part of the ocean of the memories of humanity. Look at me. I am the living-dead reflection of the ruins of mankind. There is nothing to be found here. I am neglected. Look at me. Limbo is my only comfort. Oblivion is all I crave from all the bleeding wounds of my body. Look at me. As I am sinking under the waves, all I want is to sleep. You were my only salvation. But you didn't look at me. You looked in me.

The flowers should be given to the living

I got used to you not being here.
And I got used to wake up and not finding you with my hand.
I got used to drink my coffee black and not having to fill your cup.
I got used to walk alone in the city of pigeons and I got used to return home without expecting to find you waiting for me.
I got used to you not cooking for me and I got used to not having dinner together.
I got used to sleep alone and I got used to the distance.
I got used to your absence.

I still cannot get used to the fact that it's killing me and it's making me a lesser person.

Copies.

Millions of routes.

Up and down the street, inside the bus, in the cars, on foot.

Millions of possible routes to follow.

Destroyed people that move mechanically. Breathe mechanically.

Alienated souls wandering around carrying on their back what is called “life”.

Everyone without exceptions is destroyed. Some a bit more than others.

At the traffic light, a dying woman waits to cross the street. Her hands are wide open and raised as if to invoke a higher power. Her eyes are filled with anticipation of the inevitable.

At the next corner, a junkie is taking his daily dose. His eyes are closing slowly as he injects death. His gaze has the color of pleasure.

A car is passing next to me. There’s a couple inside. Blond hair blowing in an open car as the wind commands them. Playful hands outside of the windows trying to catch a handful of oxygen. Two pair of eyes full of vanity.

A pregnant woman walking on the pavement. Her belly almost reaches her neck. Inside her, one-more human is swimming. A ring on her swollen hand reflects the indication of eternal love and devotion.

I came across all your possible versions. In every street I walked. In every night I got wasted. In every exhale of smoke and in every cigarette. In every breath and every fear. Within blurry eyes and drunk conversations. Within all the awkward laughter of people and the formal “good night” handshakes. I came across you in crumbled sheets and in every orgasm.

All your possible versions have disappointed me and now I'm dead sure that your original was never conquered.

Unto the lonely road

I walked along the river today, on this green and full of trees street. The one that I always met you going to work when I was leaving, and half the times I turned my face so you wouldn't see me. Let's face it, you weren't my cup of tea and either was I.
Today I decided to walk home from work regardless my foot's wound that started bleeding halfway but also the rain that didn't stop falling from the grey sky all day.
As I was walking, I searched you in the face of every person who passed by me.
I was feeling the urge to see you passing. All I got was nothing.

They cut some trees, did you know?
You can calculate the age of them if you count the cycles of their trunk. I stopped and stared.

I thought that all their life were simply existed there. And one day someone decided to just chop them off in half.
Half.
I was never full so I cannot imagine how being half feels like.
I surely know how it feels to be empty.
I went out in the evening. I promised myself that I won't think of you and I won't waste myself.
I tend to break my promises a lot lately.

For(n)ever yours,
A.

The bees will be(e).

Caught your glance across the room.
You looked at me and I looked at you.
It was like looking at a mirror.
As if we are one person. One entity.
Fighting the oblivion of each other's life.
Filling the void of each other's mind.
In the short life that a glimpse of an eye lasts, love was born, bloomed and died.
And then we continued our paths separately and never saw each other again.

The bees will be(e).

Pumps

The river always ends up in the sea. Even if its flow can be misleading.
The heart is just a pumping muscle.
One life is just a blink of an eye that will be lost and forgotten in the eternal oblivion of the universe.
Are you still willing to play?
Do you want to see how deep is the rabbit whole?
Follow the river and it will lead you to the sea of love. Or the sea of despair, forgetfulness, remorse and broken pumps.
Are you (still) with me?


Yours always and never,

A.

One.

"And where one goes from here?", I asked you. You turned and looked at me in the eyes and softly whispered that "one always goes where one's heart belong", and you smiled. I hesitated a bit and then told you "but what if one's heart belongs to no one? Where do you go from there?". You looked to the crowd of people passing by. You pointed to the river and told me with your serious voice – the one you used to address me when you were about to say something that I should put deep in mind – "you always know where your heart belongs, even when you think your heart doesn't belong to anyone. Sometimes one can be lost, like the first time you came to this place. When you didn't know where this river leads. When you didn't know if it goes this way or the other...". You paused to take a breath and you continue "it was never about the river flow, wasn't it? It was always about where the sea is, right?". I nodded. "I know you can't live without the sea... But you figured out where the sea is. I trust you enough to find out where your heart belongs. Just follow the river", you said and you smiled with a bit of bitterness because you knew that I was long gone.