Τετάρτη, 3 Αυγούστου 2016

The fundamentals of being (rejected).

Rejection is like a potential grey sky on a summer day when you have your day off and you want to go to the sea.
You don't expect it to happen, but it does and not so rarely.

After years of acceptance of what's wrong with you and after making amends with your inner self and manage to balance somehow your insecurities– and it is that very moment that the so-called karma will hit you remorseless – a person will appear in your life that will make you remember all the wrong and maybe some right reasons, which made you feel so unbearably depressed.

I will call this person "the mente", or in simple English "the mind".

It will be a moment in which you'd wish that you were just one more mediocre common asshole, simply because when words like "brave", "first one", "honest" are coming out of the mente's mouth, who after quite a while made your heart beat a bit louder, they will make your state of mind so unstable that you won't actually know whether you should kill yourself or just smile and say thank you. In other words, you're lost my friend. Lost inside the mente's obscure comprehension of things.

Now, would you like to reconsider? Maybe in the end it wasn't a big deal – both actually start falling for the mente but also what the mente said. On the other hand, maybe it is a very big deal and you are frankly lost in between the lines, since people tend to be so ridiculously complicated. Or maybe you are crazy! Whatever makes you sleep at night, I guess, is what you would like to take as a de facto. 

Perhaps you would like to open the conversation again, and try to go deeper into the mente's head. But do you really wanna do this? "How far down does the rabbit hole go". This is where the scary shit start hitting the fan. Because nonetheless, all of us, including the mente, are so mentally fucked up, that when you reach half-way, you'd wish not to have even started diving in the cave of doom and darkness.

Perhaps you would like to be the cool one and thus you would never want to open any kind of related conversation again, but at the same time you will be dying a little because you won't be able to dechiper the signals. And consequently you will become gradually crazy.

So, what's the golden number to this differential equation that most of the brightly rational people will call "insubstantial bullshit"? How would you solve this jigsaw, which keeps you up at night and eats your mind and tears your heart and hurt your soul and destroys your carefully polished camouflage of well-being?

First things first, you should admit to yourself that you are a fuck-up. This is the mile stone of existence. You were, are and will always be a fuck-up and you should never let anyone convince you that you worth a dime or that you're special for some irrational reason. You are not special. You are a being. A mammal. Your purpose since the day you were conceived is to be born, live or survive and die. You are not an original. You are a shitty copy. 

After admitting this, you should prepare yourself for the difficult part. Breaking news; not all people will like you. And even if they do, they won't like you everyday. We are all fuck-ups, remember? Including the mente. Now, you need to understand why what the mente said fucked your mente – your mind – so much that it feels like you're being the last person on earth and you are immortal. In other words, why you feel so absolutely rejected and alone.

The last step is to understand how useless all of the above are. At the very end of this lifetime – your lifetime – you have to be likeable to yourself. Think about it for a moment with your mente. Who will be always with you? You and your other 19 personalities. But let's assume you have only one. So, you and yourself. You must learn how to handle yourself in the darkest and the brightest moments of your existence. Because they both are equally frightening. Or can be potentially scary. Fuck what the mente thinks. Can you simply live for yourself without waiting the approval of others? Can you be you without the need of constant reassurance that whatever you pretend to be is okay for others? Can you please just be you? You will not be happier, but surely you will be more at ease.

Rejection is always on the menu. That doesn't mean you should starve to death.
Enjoy your meal and cheer up a bit.
Existence is futile!

A–

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